two hearts beating, oh yeah, oh yeah!

Big monumental sigh. Bit of a rut.

A couple of days ago my good friend Anthony passed away. I’ve never been in the position to have lost a good friend. It’s quite a weird and surreal experience. Antz was a good guy. He played bass in my first band Scene of Fiction and during that time he was one of my inseparable ‘go to guys’, one of my joint to the hips best mates. You don’t get many people like that. Even as you get older and fade away a little. That connection is still there and by god, I’m certainly feeling his passing just now. When Coco called me yesterday morning to tell me, you could genuinely feel the worst draught come into both our voices. It’s just absolutely devastating. It’s made me think of a lot of things. I’ve done an awful lot of crying the past day, a lot of quenching. I was an utter mess. Feel like I’ve neglected a lot of friendships the past couple of years. Right now I’m just really thinking of his family, and also Coco and Teneye and the rest of the great people he touched as an amazing friend. I remember when we were all like 16 going to the catty unders. Every Saturday - Antz, Brice, Coco, Jason, Hetty, Vicki, Brett, Colin, Davey, Amy and a helluva lot others would trek up town to hang about for hours on end before going in the club. We would go to Flip, Hellfire, Stuff, buy Poppers, buy hair dye, and then dress like utter fannies with our Korn and Slipknot hoodies. We were all pure happy as fuck kids, though. And right now I feel like one of those kids has been ripped from us. We’ve all gotten older, but you always look to your childhood pals as a pillow to safely bounce off of when in need of advice.

During the Scene of Fiction days, I remember discussing dreams with Antz and Ross during our practices. We all just wanted to grow up to be good musicians, and by god Antz was a good musician. One of the best bassists I’ve ever known. His fingers just flew to fuck over they frets and I bet he’s forming a kick ass band high pie in the sky now. I used to confide an awful lot of stuff in Antz. I’ll miss seeing his smiley wee face in the cathouse. Down below is an exert taken from our bands myspace back after our very first gig in June 2006. I laughed when I read about the little kid who tried to get us to sing itzy bitzy spider to her in the queue. Man, I wish he was still here now. RIP brother love you and miss you <3

20/6/2006Current mood:cheerful

Right so it is easier to disect the day like a diary. It was all pretty eventful.

9am - My alarm goes off, and I leap out of bed like a caged animal. I realise that my clock is ten minutes slow, so I now have less than 30 minutes before I have to meet Antz at Drummie. 

Disaster #1! Our water supply is cut off for maintenance work, which means I have to run down to the corner shop and grab three massive bottles of volvic. I boil the water and proceed to dump it in the bath. This was very time consuming, and time already wasnt on my side. 

10.15am - I put back the meeting time til 11. This gives me time to dry and straighten my hair. Although not done very effectively it must be said.

11am - Meet Antz, and both of us are silently confident that we would be ready for the gig, minus the fact that our ‘Watch The World’ cover is only half complete. 

Disaster #2! ‘We regret to inform you that the 11.23 train to Airdrie is delayed by approximately ten minutes’ FUCK OFF

Noon - Finally get to the soundhaus for our very last full jam before the gig. Ross and Colin are already there. My throat is actually really sore by now. Keep in mind we have been in the studio for the past 3 days on 6-hour jams at a time. We were all really drained and tired.

1pm - We get Watch The World completed on 2^nd take. It comes out pretty good.

Half 1 A quick soup break ensues. This is actually a lifesaver to my slowly dying throat. Warm fluids = <3

2pm We are up against it realising we havent perfected any of our songs yet. Doors are in fucking 5 hours, and we all start having a go at each other. Ahhhhh.

3pm The practice comes to an end with a bit of uncertainty still on the go. fall sounds a mess. We wave goodbye to Ross as he heads home for a quick shower.

4pm Me, Antz and Colin stick about town, and I buy an overpriced Subway, which is crumbly as fuck. Honestly, they should learn how to make a sandwich.

5pm We head back to studio. Colin goes in with Endless Recovery who are doing their practice. I can hear them covering Roses for the Dead and I start to sub consciously sing along.

5.30pm This little girl called Sonia tries to run Antz and myself over with her scooter. She was only 4 years old! God knows what parents would let her roam about a venue herself. Anyway she demanded I sing Itzy Bitzy Spider for her, I did, but she wasnt impressed. So she kicked me in the leg. OUCH!

6pm Go meet Ross, who has his whole crew with him. I was really quiet on the walk back to the Soundhaus, was really nervous. I cant really remember much from that fifteen-minute walk, I was basically singing our songs in my head. Praying that I didnt fuck up too much during the gig.

6.30 We met the other bands. All seemed cool enough. Graham from ER totally fucked his nose up with his guitar, it looked ratherfuckingsore.

6.45 We do our soundcheck. Rushed might I add. So rushed that the fucking soundman forgets to turn up Rosss acoustic guitar. Which totally fucked up any chance we had of closing our set with an acoustic Down.

6.55 My mum calls me saying there is a massive q outside.

7pm The doors open, and about a 100 kids just kind of rally in.

7.15 We are due on in five minutes and there are now round about 120 kids in the place. I am now losing the nerves, and those are replaced with excitement.

7.20 We hit the stage and open with Rally Call I notice a hardcore pit going on with pure crazy shit dancing going on down the front. It also looked quite painful for some of the dudes down the front. Ouch.

7.27 Some chuckles are noticeable as we introduce the ever-witty Games for Gays. We fuck up a few times, but nobody seems to notice shhh.

7.40 I play Lady In Green on my own, literally shitting myself. Got a good reaction though, so I left the side of the stage with a beamer on my face.

7.45 Codjer came up on stage and sung Wayne Gretzky with Ross. It was really funny.

7.48 Ross tells me the acoustics have fucked up so we cant play down. I struggle to think of a way to end our set without mass jeering ensuing from those angry pit kids. So I get a Mexican wave going with the crowd. Fuck knows why I done it, but yeah they done it. I leave happy, and they await the mad punk band who were on after us.

9 I dance like a tadjer to ERs cover of Swing Life Away, which was fucking spot on. I really enjoyed that.

Left after ER and felt quite happy with the nights work. Final Chapter were awesome apparently. They sounded it during soundcheck.

1am fell asleep listening to Son Of FUCKING Dork.

Kicking back in my bed before work tonight. Not had much sleep this week between awkward shift patterns, revising and thinking up new ideas for Bronx and the wrestling themed night we’re putting on in July. I’m absolutely knackered, understatement. 

I feel like I’ve moved on a lot from negative vibes in the past couple of weeks. I’m quite happy. I’ve saved an awful lot of money in that time. Apart from Thursday, but that was totally worth it. Felt like I hadn’t had a proper good night out in a long time. I was sick all morning after it, result. Pointed out a few painful facts. I’m no longer twenty-one, I can’t really claim to be in my prime anymore and lastly I’ve still got it at Pro Evo! 

It was a great night. I kinda miss the summers Brian and I used to go out at night for weeks on end. Obviously there is only so much of that lifestyle you can sustain, but it’s definitely worth the wee trip back into it. If only for the nostalgia. 

Missed Carrie’s birthday night out. I always seem to miss the night Chris makes a rare appearance! Glad it looked like she had a good wee night. Hopefully see some of those faces soon. Hoping after exams I can see some of my old friends again. 

Anyway, it’s back to listening to some Libertines before heading off to work!

Tempted to get another tattoo. It’s been two years since the last. Still really want the artwork from the Antlers ‘Hospice’ album. Still love that album.

So it’s been a tumultuous week. Quite hard, but also quite a reflective one full of soul searching. Without going into things too much detail, this week has been all about clearing my head and finding a wee bit of faith in myself. Exams are coming up in about a weeks time. I’m incredibly nervous, these are the ‘biggies’. Last exams ever at university, it is quite daunting. I’m not sure I want to continue education on next year. Burnt out and tired. Not that I expect the ‘real world’ to be any better. I’m quite confident in my own ability, though. I am also pretty proud of all my achievements up until now. Next couple of weeks will probably be the most difficult in my entire life. I do have some cracking gigs coming up though. Tickets I already have include

Lostprophets

Best Coast

Blood Red Shoes

Perfume Genius

Simple Plan

Blink 182

Leeds Festival

Getting a Japandroids one this week as well. So, yeah, for all there is a tonne of hard work coming up; there is a wee light at the end of the tunnel :)

Sometimes wonder if being a closed book is detrimental to me. Stressed out :(

There are many vices in this world. Placing solitude amongst angst and frustration is where the planet meets its core. I sat and stared at the ceiling. What if I was up there and not here? I had dreams and hopes, somewhere in between I wanted to be the grey that divided them all. I hadn’t slept for weeks, my body bared symbols of neglect. Small cuts above the eyebrow and an indent along the femur, what am I? Spirit broken I crawled along the floor to reach for the bottle. Green and slim, could fit straight in my pocket. I used to be so original. Now, as I dissolved into the floor I could feel my head spinning.

I challenged myself to think like this. Everything was an abstract puzzle, there to be solved. I was the glue trying to stick it all together. For months and months it felt like I hadn’t seen the sun. Maybe I hadn’t. I couldn’t be sure anymore. There were days when I questioned faith, hours when I asked more questions, within minutes it would all be forgotten. Her face, her face was planted face down. Nobody cared. Wedges between the door and the pavement were minimal. Maturity caused a fear to seep in. What happened when she was gone? She was only three. Cordial sin was impossible, she was only three. Did the floor turn to dust and let her in? I could see the moon slowly set. Wrinkles in my hand were developing. I could understand reasons for being here. This was the aftermath of a car crash; there were no reasons to be scared anymore. If I was the witness, then that little girl had been the sufferer. It should have been me. I curled up and started to scream. Shrieks could probably be heard for miles. I was terrified beyond my wildest dreams. I never wanted this life to begin with, never needed these cards. My friends don’t go out anymore; none of them come to see me. I haven’t done much the last while, just screamed and tormented my very own existence.

Occasionally there would be a knock on the door. I lay there still, sipping from the cup – wishing to expire with it. Did anyone say goodbye to me that day? I started to confuse my life with hers. There were little evidence of a hit n’ run. I had no alibi, a torture that would live with me for the rest of my life. Then I watched. I watched as they lay her body to rest. Dimmed the eyes and turned off the lights. I can’t ever forget that moment. For that I shrieked. If they put you six feet under, I will find a stairwell and fall asleep with you.

There was a green garden and an American wine lying on the table. If I continued to lie down I would be condemned till the very end. I might as well have been in prison. Rain would tapper down on the windowsill and I would begin to cry. I listened carefully.  I heard the choir chime in that they died for me, but that it would never happen again. I cried again. Scratching and pulling at the curtain, the world would never disappear. It would stare me in the eyes and steal this battle from beneath me. Like a loved one telling you it was over, this was my conscience tearing away at my inner soul. The car, the breath, the remarks, if I could hand myself in I would. A colloquial tongue spread the cancer, she died that night. My beard was remarkable. I could not let the world see me like this. I picked up the pen and began to write my alibi. I have all these shackles loosened around my neck. As I pick up the remnants of disaster, I begin to weep again. She was just three.

Then the phone rang. It was her; I ripped my hair out and screamed at her.  She was fine, so why must I feel this pain? Then my head began to shake violently. My head had undertaken a maze my heart couldn’t cope with. Lay your head to rest, please. Banging drums and ripping guitars shredded through my soul. Fuck, she was still dead. I took a drink and strained my eyes at the phone. I wish she would call again. I blew it for myself. I blew it all down the drain. I was going to die a lonely man. Someone fetch me my wife. I left her hanging next to the mantel. She left me four years ago. Look at that pretty little smile. She wanted it so fucking bad. This wasn’t my fault, you don’t understand. One day the world will know the truth. This all happened for the better good. I am not an evil man. I am not the desperate man. I am you, I am me, I am the distance in between. 

Eh, so this is another extract from the dissertation I’m currently doing on 1950s Batman and Superman. This section focuses on the placement of women, and how they are intended to represent an inferior figure to that of big Sancho McGraws merrymen - supzy and batzy.

When the Comics Code Authority came into place in 1954 there was a shift of narrative from both the Batman and Superman comics. This chapter will address nationalism and feminism in relation to the images from the 1950s comics. Moreover it will attempt to identify a change of content in the text of the two superheroes. Batman for example evolved many times as a character throughout the 50s, in issue number 86 he is an Indian chief, 57 he falls in love and in 58 it is revealed he has a son. These issues all came out in 1954. Superman also features as an Indian Chief in Action Comics issue 346.

I have decided to focus on the issues of nationalism and feminism for a particular reason, the Comics Code Authority allowed Batman and Superman to emerge as primary characters, whilst forcing women to appear as nothing more than secondary figures. Michael Uslan points out that the “inclusion of females in stories is specifically discouraged. Women should be secondary of importance, drawn realistically, escaping feminist exaggerations” (Uslan, 2011, p.43) Issue 96 we see the arrival of Batwomen. In a caption, Robin expresses that he feels Batwomen is making Batman ‘look bad’ in response Batman replies ‘this is no place for a girl’ (Finger, 1954, p.16). Batwomen is reduced to a secondary character; this happens again in the 1956 Detective Comic, when again she appears as Batman and Robin’s sidekick. At the start of the comic the villains say: ‘ha ha, what can she do?’ (Hamilton, 1956, p.1) she then hits one with a massive globe, but this act of heroism is immediately underplayed when she uses powder puff from a shoulder bag to attack the other.  In contrast, Superman’s girlfriend Lois Lane is portrayed to super powers in issue number one of the Lois Lane series. However, while Batman fears for the life of Batwomen – Superman is instead in awe of the powers of his girlfriend. On the cover he comments ‘Lois has supernatural powers – and they may prove mightier than mines’. Lois is placed in a position of threat when she is accidently shot losing sight in one of her eye; she is then informed that the only way she will keep her eyesight is by taking those of a killer. This is in similar context to Catwomen who appears in Batman till the early 1950s, she is originally portrayed as a strong character on a par with Batman, but it is revealed she suffers from amnesia and performs irrational crimes. Lois Lane regains her eyesight, but begins to see the figures of those the killer had harmed. Similarly to Catwomen – Lane became susceptible to ‘hallucinations and violent outbursts in public’ (Dorfman, 1953, page 20). It is only with the help of Superman, does she find out that it was a ploy from the fake Doctor Wade to make her feel like she had lost her mind. Likewise in Batman, when he informs Catwomen ‘I’m Sorry, Selina, but you had to know the truth’ – not only does this place Catwomen in the context as a secondary character in comparison to Batman, but by calling her Selina, he is reinstating her human value devoid of heroism.  In this context it is possible to argue that Batman and Superman are defending the ethics of morals in the 50s, because they were in a position to do so. Females on the other hand, despite having the ability and intellect were pervasive of achieving the same objectives.

Superman is presented as a symptom rather than cause of female confliction in the November 1960 issue of Lois Lane issue 21. In this issue Lois Lane becomes embroiled in a battle for the affection of Superman with Super Lana. On the front cover we have Lois Lane and Super Lana on the centre of the page, Superman is positioned centre below both females.  While the positioning of the characters suggests that the females are the primary presences, the caption highlights Superman as the central figure, with the two females arguing irrationally for his attention. ‘Superman, now that I have super-powers you’ll want me for a wife’ reads Super Lana’s caption, ‘No! Me! I have super powers, too!’ replies Super Lois. Meanwhile Superman has two captions – one of those captions read: ‘Lois! Lana! Stop fighting’ and the other ‘Both Lois and Lana have gained permanent super powers’, in the first Superman caption, he takes the moral high guard. In the second caption, however, it suggests that both women are incapable of dealing with having such highly regarded powers. Does this have ambiguous implications on how we read the text? Revisionist literature critic Mark Best suggests marriage to Superman represents: “power and social mobility” while for Superman it means an “ultimate loss of power” (Best, 2009, page 82). There appears to be an aspiring masculinity from Lois and Lana to be perceived in the same esteem as Superman, while Superman is the symbol of the ‘condemned man’ (Best, 2009. Page 83) and is expected to contain this female threat in order to preserve his own position as the primary figure within the text.  

Start bar shifts at the catty on Saturday, extra hours, definitely needed in these times of deep recession haha. Missed bar work a lot, as much as I slated ABC - the banter was always top notch. Plus the night goes past a lot quicker. I’ll still be doing the usual PR work as well. In line with SAAS, it should just about bring my pay upto full time or the equivalent over the next couple of months. So naturally I’m a lot happier now :)

Dissertation:

Close Reading and Textual Analysis:

‘Defenders of ethics?

‘Superman and Batman in the 1950s’

1950s was an integral part of comic book history, not necessarily for the right reasons. Known in history as the ‘Era of Entrenchment’ – the medium fell on hard times. Primarily due to the ban on two of its bestselling genres: horror and crime. This dissertation will aim to differentiate the selling trends of Superman and Batman to the rest of the superheroes market; while analysing the social implications, which both characters had on 1950s society. Randy Duncan and Matthew J. Smiths The Power of Comics: History, Form and Culture identifies the era as one which seen a thinning of comic book publishers, due in part to the ”Golden Age” attracting ‘more publishers than the market could support. Duncan suggests that the era spanning from 1950-1960 should be defined as the Era of Entrenchment:-

“as with troops abandoning one line of defence and falling back to defend the next wall or trench, comic book publishers would focus their resources on briefly popular genres, only to abandon them as sales faltered and shift their resources to the next “hot” genre…by the early 1960s, most of the industry was making a gradual return to the concept that had spawned the Golden Age of comic books – the superhero” (Duncan, 2009, page 44)

Literary scholar Marc Di Paolo recently published work on the superhero industry, focusing on the implementation of politics on the comic book genre. I specifically looked at this text, because, unlike most works, it places the superheroes in ambivalent situations. Di Paolo suggests that the figures of Batman and Superman intertwine with mass popular culture. For example in the early 1940s Batman would encounter ‘gangsters, vampires and Nazi’s’ while in the 1950s there was a shift towards a ‘smiling Batman facing aliens and nuclear-age menaces akin to those found on the silver screen in Them!(1954) and Forbidden Planet (1956).’(Di Paolo, 2011, page 50). To investigate further, I then looked at why aliens and science fiction were seen as a key implant of the 50s, upon this, I read the work of Michael E. Sallo. Sallo wrote on President Eisenhower’s apparent meeting with extra-terrestrials on February 20^th, 1954. (Sallo, 2004). This was an era, which was fascinated by extra-terrestrial threat. Batman links could be made through the idea of fighting outside evil forces, which threatened instability within society.  With the power of editing, though, there would never be any doubt that Batman was of righteous position. Interestingly, though, these aliens were not the only ones without human characteristics, Batman was empowered with sub human ability. I felt parallelisms could be drawn between the characters of Batman and Superman to a lot of the writers, which featured in the 1930s. Writers such as W.H Auden and Stephen Spender spent the majority of their careers commenting on social activity from a tower, which leaned down over society. Superheroes and their powers could be argued as an evolution of passion and emotion, which lead to becoming something fragmented from society, yet still connected to the morals and dynamics of that society. Like the writers of the 30s, they also had a figurate tower, with their abilities to fly and watch over society – when an event or danger occurred they would become pro-active in protecting the endangered.

Danny Fingeroth’s Disguised as Clark Kent: Jews, Comics, and the Creation of the Superhero and Superman on the Couch: What Superheroes Really Tell Us About Ourselves and Our Society suggested that the 1950s was a period ‘quiescent hibernation, of healing and regrouping, for the superhero.’ (Fingeroth, 2007, page 66). Focusing on the aftermath of the Second World War, this was an interesting chapter as it allowed perspective on the ambiguous 50s – on first look it would appear Fingeroth was suggesting a dimming down of conflict as America was exhausted from both a war and the on-going Korean conflict. Fingeroth also points out that in the ‘early 1950s, DC’s “big three” of Superman, Batman and Wonder Women continued to appear in standard superhero stories’ (Fingeroth, 2007, page 67), though, to a lesser degree as horror and crime comics gained commercial success. Crucially, though, this chapter points out that the ‘gore and cleveage, which helped pave the way for comics that were more “adult”’ allowed comics to be ‘more than it had been’ and a ‘discovery that would eventually help reinvent the superhero genre’ (Fingeroth, 2007, page 67).

Most of the texts that I have looked at so far focus on political and social spheres of the 1950s. Duncan and Smiths work gives the era a defining term, and successfully places the era in its historical context. I found the image of the art taking a step back and encroaching back to previous trenches interesting, especially when linked to what Fingeroth suggests: that despite encroaching, as the era pushed forward – more explicit and sexually adventurous work within the medium would allow Superman and Batman to regain its throne at the head of the comic book market.